School Refusal In Children


Returning back to school after a vacation break or in the fall can be challenging for many kids and families. But some children feel so much emotional distress that they may repeatedly balk at attending school or staying there — a problem known as school refusal, or school avoidance if it occurs consistently. 

What Do We Mean By School Refusal?

School refusal is not the child who really would rather stay home, complains and balks about going but the parent is able to get their child to school and he/she is fine when they get there and have a great day.

Shifting from a more relaxed summer routine to early wake-ups, hours in class, and dreaded homework makes many students feel mildly anxious or cranky during the early weeks of a new school year. 

For some students, however, school feels so difficult and overwhelming that they experience significant, distressing anxiety and sometimes, physical symptoms around attending and staying in school. To relieve this anxiety or discomfort, a child may begin to avoid school.

School refusal can take many forms. It can include behaviors like frequently struggling to arrive at school on time, leaving before the school day ends, or not attending school at all.

Headaches, fatigue, stomachaches, and other physical symptoms of anxiety may make it hard to get off to school in the morning or make it feel necessary to leave early.

School avoidance allows a child to escape distressing aspects of the school day, which provides immediate short-term relief. However, when a student continues to miss school, returning can feel harder and harder as he/she falls behind academically and starts to feel socially disconnected from classmates and teachers.

Additionally, the child doesn’t get the chance to learn that it’s possible to handle school-related anxiety and cope with any challenges the school day brings. This can keep him/her stuck in a vicious cycle of school avoidance.

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Physical Symptoms In Children With School Refusal

  • Nausea
  • Abdominal pain
  • Diarrhea
  • Headaches
  • Heart palpitations
  • Chest pain
  • Muscular aches throughout the body
  • Shaking or trembling
  • Vomiting

What Can Parents Do To Help Stop The Cycle Of School Refusal?

There are a few things that parents can do to help stop the cycle of school refusal:

Step in quickly.

Missed schoolwork and social experiences snowball, making school avoidance a problem that grows larger and more difficult to control as it rolls along.

Be on the lookout for any difficulties your child might have around attending school on time and staying for the full day. If the problem lasts more than a day or two, step in.  

Help identify issues.

Try to find out why your child is avoiding school. Gently ask, “What is making school feel hard?”

Is your child struggling socially or being bullied? Afraid of having a panic attack in the classroom? Worried about his/her academic performance or speaking in front of other students in the classroom? Fearful of being separated from his/her parents for a full day?

Communicate and collaborate.

Your child’s school is a key partner in combating school avoidance. Contact your child’s teacher or school guidance counselor, psychologist, or social worker to share what you know about why your child is struggling to attend school.

The more information the school has about why school avoidance is occurring, the better they will be able to help you. Collaboratively problem-solve with your child and the school by identifying small steps that can help your child gradually face what he is avoiding at school.

Let’s say fear about speaking in front of the class is a problem. A child might be permitted to give speeches one-on-one to a teacher, then to his teacher and a few peers, and gradually work up to speaking in front of the class. Or the child prefers the teacher to not call on them in front of other students. 

Be firm about school.

Be empathetic but firm that your child must attend school. Tell him/her you are confident he/she can face his/her fears.

Let your child know that while physical symptoms of anxiety, such as stomachaches, headaches, and fatigue, are certainly unpleasant, they are not dangerous. Generally, children should only stay home from school for fever of at least 100.4F, or vomiting, a bad pain indicating an injury or coughing that will not stop.

It’s important for anxious children to learn that they can persevere and do what they need to do even when experiencing physical anxiety, just as adults must in their own jobs.

Physical symptoms often ease up as the school day progresses and children face their fears. Learning this firsthand can empower a child.

Make staying home boring.

Is there anything about the out-of-school environment that makes it extra tempting to stay home? Make home as school-like as possible. No unfettered access to screens of any kind and no sleeping or lounging in bed unless genuinely sick.

Be clear that if your child does not attend school, you will be collecting all screens and/or turning off data and home wifi. Then follow through! Ask the school to send work for your child to complete during the day or to provide a tutor at home.

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Does Your Child Refuse To Do Homework But Attends School Willingly?

There are a variety of reasons why a child may refuse to do homework. Anything from academic struggles with focus, comprehension, undiagnosed dyslexia, vision issues or gifted so they are bored with the work.

Or, there are unlying emotional struggles that make it difficult for your child to focus. Our counselors are trained to help identify what the issue is so we can help you get your child back on track.  

Should You Homeschool A Child With Anxiety That Refuses To Go To School?

Homeschooling can be a viable option for a child struggling with school. It is first of all critical to identify why the child is struggling and refusing to go to school before considering homeschooling. This would be part of the counseling discussion with one of our counselors. It is important to weigh out the pros and cons of this option. 

What About A Child With ADHD That Refuses To Do School Work?

A child with ADD/ADHD refusing to do school work is not the same thing as just being lazy or oppositional. For more information on this, please visit our website page that specifically addresses ADHD
 

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